Time Honored Photographic Truths

A few photographic truths that have been proved throughout history...all attributed to Ted Orland.

I'm sure all of you camera buffs out there can sympathize with the fact that:

1) It is part of Post Office training to be able to recognize all envelopes containing photographs so that they can fold them in half.
2) No matter how old your camera strap is, it will never break when your camera is above a soft surface.
3) Edward Steichen owned a three legged dog that he called "Tripod".
4) The best scenic photographic opportunities are clearly marked by highway signs that say "No Stopping Anytime".
5) Lens caps and shutter cables can become invisible at will.
6) No two light meters will read the same.
7) Spotone bottles are designed to tip over as soon as the cap is removed. (If you don't know what "Spotone" is, then you need to take a darkroom class).
8) HDR is not a toy.
9) Financial success in photography is directly related to subject matter. falling airplanes, exploding volcanoes, and certain Presidential motorcades work the best.
10) Selective coloring is the work of the devil.
11) Except for right now, the word "Daguerreotype" cannot be spelled properly.
12) When your friends and family finally realize that you are a true artist, committed to making sensitive and meaningful images, they will ask you to photograph their wedding.
13) Photographers do it in the dark, but they have to stop every 30 seconds for agitation.
14) On all tripods, only two legs will work properly.
15) Dust spots are attracted to sky areas.
16) Viewing a slideshow of someones vacation cures insomnia.
17) Ansel Adams has three secret zones that only he knows about.
18) Fast films compensate for slow photographers.
19) Owning more than one lens assures that you will always have the wrong lens on the camera for any given situation.
20) Mounting a photograph is still a misdemeanor in 14 states.
21) A camera store will charge $75 to repair a camera that has been adjusted with a butter knife.
22) Photoshop is a noun, not a verb.
23) Falling lenses are attracted to rocks and concrete.
24) Buying a camera does not make you a photographer, it makes you a camera owner.
25) Into every life, a little grain must fall.
26) Ignorance of the rules is no excuse.
27) You can dip an onion in chocolate, but it's still an onion.